We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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