The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize