Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
