I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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