Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The maid of honor just puked.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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