Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
