how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
