I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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