my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
