I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
