12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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