If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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