the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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