I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
never play flip cup with pint glasses
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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