THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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