we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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