Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
