sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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