i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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