We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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