I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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