So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
