And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
