R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
