soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
