1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
