oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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