4 words: hood of his car
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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