I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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