Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
