omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
