Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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