Ambien. No doubt about it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
