3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
