I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
