Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
