If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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