Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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