at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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