So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
