Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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