my phone needs a breathalizer
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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