Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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