I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
