Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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