he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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