Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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