My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
