He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
