yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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