I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
