i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
