Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
