Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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