she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Congratulations! We have a period
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