Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.