so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.