my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face