Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD