Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.