My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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