I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
