it hurts more in the daytime
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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