he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
