Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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