One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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