Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
