If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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