Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
4 words: hood of his car
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
