he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize