Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
MIDGETS
????
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
