i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
