I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The air taste purple.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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