So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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